Saturday, March 7, 2015

Why Didn't She Want Me?

     It happened. This came out of Mei Mei's mouth yesterday. It has caused me (knowingly) a lot of grief over the last 24 hours.......Here's a little backstory.

     It's that time of year when we make the round of specialists with Mei Mei. Both Nature Girl and Blondie have their own sets of medical issues but they are on a different schedule than Mei. So all crammed into the last and next few weeks are Mei-Mei's specialists including eye work-ups, bloodwork and such.  It's looking like (99.9% sure) we are going to have to do medical intervention for a special need that she has that will be ongoing for quite some time. I'm still wrapping my head around it and let me make this clear......Mei is NOT happy about it. Not that we expected her to be.

     Let me just say this here. If you are interested in adoption, have adopted or are in the process.... and are requesting a 'healthy' child.....please take note. Your child will have issues even if they were healthy at adoption.  I know that is a broad-brush statement to make....but I wish someone had told me to my face this years ago. ANY child that is in a compromised womb situation (which most adopted kids are in some way, shape or form) will carry with them scars from that that may not manifest themselves for years. It may be in the form of a genetic trait manifested as a learning issue......or a genetic eye condition, blood issue, ADHD, etc. Did you know that adopted kids are more than 50% likely to have some type of learning difference?? I wish I had known more statistics because I feel we could've been better prepared to face what we have had to. We found out this past year that Mei Mei has another genetic issue (undetectable to the naked eye.....and doesn't interfere with her daily life) that would've put her on the Special Needs list .....had China detected it. She was adopted by us as a healthy NSN (non-special need) adoption. There you go. You just don't always know.....nor can you predict.

     Back to the story at hand. Doctor visits can be tricky and EXTREMELY stressful...especially as the girls get older. I always go in with my radar on and boxing gloves ready....(which I rarely use cause we only pick the best docs! Every once in a while I have to get heady with a nurse that just doesn't get it....but that's rare.)  The biggest issue we face is not knowing any genetic history, background or family genealogy....and having to explain this over and over and over......with your child right there. Which is what happened yesterday.

     We are in a position with Mei where it would be 100% easier in proceeding with a medical issue we are facing if we had some family history....only we don't. Z. E. R. O. It is quite the topic of conversation at the doctor's office ....handled very professionally but talked about nonetheless. We handle it the best we can but this time it really bothered Mei Mei. She's older now and is asking questions. the dark last night.....after everyone had gone to bed....including me.....she snuck into bed with me and asked the oh so dreaded question....."Why didn't she want me? You other mom. The one in China." I was dumbstruck. How do you answer a question that clearly is a legitimate one....only you don't have a legitimate answer? Here's my answer to that last question. I. Don't. Know. (I also think it's interesting that the girls never, ever talk about their birth Dads. Ever. Like they didn't exist. Weird to me.)

     In the dark....with her held close I helped validate her feelings and talked through different scenarios of her being left at the orphanage......leaving all options with the words, "because you were loved....." I felt like I was winging it....and I was. Mei has always taken information about her birth and orphanage days with a grain of salt and has never been interested much in all things this was a complete surprise. She will tell you she's 100% American and very much a Florida girl.  I'm still not sure if she accepted my answer. I told her what I thought about her situation......and how much she was/is cherished (in more depth than I'm writing here) and how I would love to take her back to China so she can walk on the ground of where she came from and find some answers when she's older......if only for peace of mind and heart.'s her story and hers alone. It bothers me that she's feeling insecure now about her beginnings but we knew this was bound to happen one day. We are here. Scary....not surefooted. Y'all can pray for me in the coming days as we walk this through. I know the answer is in Jesus....and him only.....but we have to get her there and it's sure to be a process. This is hard. So hard.  To be continued......



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