Monday, December 9, 2013

Mom I Remember Something…..

Now at 8 years old.
      This was said to me in a quiet moment with Mei Mei the other day while she was in the back seat of the car. It was just her and me for some strange reason I can't remember. It's rare she and I are alone in the car together, but we were.  Out of the blue she said to me, "Mom, I remember something. I remember being cold and crying."
    I about wrecked the car. This child who is very analytical…..going to be a total engineer when she grows up…..plans everything out….is extremely neat, precise, calculating about everything…..always counts the cost and doesn't live in the past….ever……was doing something she had never done. Exposing her vulnerability…..about her past.  Now, it was a rare coldish day here in Florida. I'm not sure what triggered what I'm about to tell you, but her little brain was processing something. I listened….very carefully and believing every morsel. With this kid you do that.
     "Tell me more," I said, " but only if you want to." ….putting the ball in her court. (Never, ever force with adopted kids who have been through some kind of trauma. Never.)
     "I remember the orphanage. I remember Mom. I remember being cold (like now), and crying. I remember what it looked like." Mei Mei related.
     "Do you remember what you were doing?" I responded.
     "I was lying there. I was crying because I was sick. I was really sick, Mom."
     "Do you remember the Nannies helping you? Do you remember any people?" I hopefully said.
     "No, that's it. That's all. I just remember being really cold, sick and lying there crying.
. That's it." …..And then Mei Mei changed the subject. Discussion over.

     Mei Mei was just shy of 11 months when we got her. This is the very first thing she has ever pieced together…..7 years later. Do I believe her? Of course…..without abandon. She's not the type of kid to make things up. She's very closed with deep emotions. She's never wanted to see pictures, know about where she came from. She's always just wanted to be one of us.
     But now….now……she's healing. Sometimes it takes a while. You have to let them do it on their own terms. Consider me humbled.
   

5 comments:

  1. This took my breath away....then the tears came. For her and all the ones like her that had to endure. What a blessing you and Scott are. Reminds me of the Starfish story...what a difference you've made for this one. (((((((((((((())))))))))))

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  2. Praying for your sweet girl today <3. Miri has no memories she can verbalize- being only 6 months old- but her body remembers. May the Lord restore each one!

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  3. If we're willing Jesus can restore us all. I was adopted by the most wonderful parents at 3 days old, after two failed marriages God showed me that I needed to get rid of a spirit of rejection that I carried around for 40+ years. We cannot alter our past but we can put our past on the altar. Jesus has a sweet plan for all! God bless you and your family for adopting.

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  4. Wow. Just wow. I cannot even begin to imagine.
    My baby sisters have never talked about their experiences before we brought them home, but they were 9 mos and 11 mos. It's amazing the healing that can take place, the little miracles.

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  5. This whole thing is really interesting to me. I've read enough adoption psychology to know that this kind of recall is not uncommon. Mei Mei was pretty sick when we got her with multiple issues so I wonder if this particular illness is what she's remembering. We will never know. I do know I never want her crying alone ever again…..any of them. Time to get to work on that!

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